Yosuke is Totally Straight
by Katseester
Summary: And he totally didn't kiss Kanji, either. Because that would be gay.


Oh, God, why am I even posting this? It started out as a crack idea to fuel my muse (because, yes, I actually have something else in the works) but then Deviant Nation wouldn't let me stop writing it. So I had to finish it. So, uh...don't take it too seriously. Seriously.

Er...enjoy? If that's even possible?

* * *

I don't like Kanji. I don't. Really.

It's weird enough that he's into all the cute and cuddly things, but when he starts making googly-eyes at that kid detective (what was his name? Naoto?) I know there's something definitely not right here.

I don't like him. At all. He weirds me out. Because he's...y'know. _That_.

Which maybe explains why _his_ tongue is in my mouth, but _doesn't_ explain why _I'm_ moaning into his and groping his ass.

"Gmph!" I shove him away from me. He topples backwards out of his chair, crashing down and upturning it in the process.

"The hell was that for!" He shouts, trying to stand up while rubbing his head. Good. I hope he hit it.

"Dude!" I yell back. "Th-that's not cool, man! You don't just _do_ stuff like that! You're-I'm not-!"

"The hell are you talking about, senpai?" He asks, staring at me blankly. God, do I really have to spell it out for him?

"You. I invited you over so I could help you study, 'cause God knows you frikkin' need it-" he makes an indignant noise, but I ignore him "-and then you, you come onto me like some kind of-of sexually depraved psycho!"

Kanji is staring at me like I've lost my head. Maybe I have.

"The hell with that shit! If you forgot, senpai, _you're_ the one that started kissing _me_, so don't start with that shit, 'cause you looked like you were enjoying it a helluva lot more than you're acting like."

"I-shut up! I don't wanna hear it!"

"Whatever, man." Kanji rights the chair and sits in it, resuming his homework. I'm almost scared to, but I scoot in a little closer to him. Strictly to help him with his homework.

"This," I say in a tone that means 'listen or I swear to God I will beat you with that eraser', just to make sure he's paying attention, "never leaves the room. If you tell _anybody_, and yes, that includes those little dolls you make, I swear on my _life_ that you will wake up _inside out_."

I pause to let it sink in. Kanji doesn't look too affected.

"And I did _not_ enjoy it, you asshole."

"Tch, Denial's not just a river in Rome, senpai," he says, glancing up from his homework, but only to quirk a non-believing eyebrow at me.

"It's Egypt, you idiot." I rub my eyes and sigh.

"Oh. Heh." He turns back to the paper, but only for a minute. "Hey, senpai, d'you know how to distribute these things?"

"What?" I just stare blankly at him. He has a nice jawline.

He looks at me again. My face reddens and I feel like kicking myself.

"These things. Numbers. Y'know, with the brackets and shit?" He's noticed my flushed cheeks and grins.

"Oh. Uh."

"Yeah, my teacher explained it as a 'skanky party' but it didn't really help. I'm not into that kinda stuff."

I think he's missed the point completely.

He turns back to the math without waiting for a reply. Dammit, how can he be so calm? He just kissed a dude, for Christ's sake!

Time passes unbearably slowly.

"Okay, so maybe I did like it. But just a little," I add, to make sure he doesn't get any ideas.

He smirks, but doesn't look up again. "Heh. Knew it."

"Hmph." I cross my arms and lean back. Because I totally don't care.

Kanji continues his homework while I more or less watch in internal agony. I stare at his hands. They look strong. And firm.

Shit.

"So, uh," I say casually, "was that the, uh, the first time you kissed a dude?" My voice cracks halfway through 'dude.'

"What's it to you?" Kanji demands defensively.

"No-nothing," I stutter back. "Just wondering."

"Hmph." He scratches something out on the paper, and then his demeanor changes completely. "Well, if it means _so_ much to you, I s'pose I can tell you."

I wait for him to continue.

And keep waiting.

"Well?" I ask, impatience biting into my tone.

"Aren't you eager, huh?" He asks, giving me a shit-eating grin. God_dammit_, he's _enjoying_ this!

"Just tell me!" I almost shout, leaning forward and almost punching him before thinking better of it. He'd punch me back, three times as hard.

Kanji starts laughing. "I ain't ever kissed a guy before," he says, once he's calmed down. "You're the first. Sure is hilarious watchin' you get your panties in a twist about it though." He starts snickering.

"Wha-_panties_? I don't wear _panties_, you prick!"

If anything, Kanji starts laughing harder than before.

"Alright, alright, calm your shit down. I need to get this crap finished," Kanji says.

I relax back into my chair and wait until he's almost done.

"Um."

"What."

"So, what would you do-hypothetically speaking, of course-if I wanted to-hypothetically-kiss you again?" I swallow loudly.

There's a pregnant pause.

"Senpai, I don't think that has anything to do with my homework," Kanji says uncomfortably, like he wasn't expecting that at all. He shifts a bit self-consciously.

"Oh, whatever, like anything tonight has had anything to do with your stupid homework," I say. He grunts noncommitally.

"I think," he says after a length, "that I'd kiss you. I mean, if you hypothetically wanted me to, or whatever."

I glance up from my fingernails sharply. His cheeks are flushed a bright red. He's completely serious. I think.

I hope.

Shit.

I lean forward again and touch his shoulder. He jumps, and looks over to me. His eyes are wide, just like they were before I kissed him the first time.

I don't think before I press my lips to his, and I don't think he's thinking either, because he shoves me back fiercely, trying to take control, but all that does is push my chair off balance and send us both toppling to the floor.

"Ugh," I manage, when my head stops throbbing.

"Sorry," he says, but makes no move to get off of me.

"Uh, Kanji?"

"What?"

"Are you gonna move any time soon?" I ask.

"Hmm. No," he says. And then he _nuzzles_ my neck. "Hey, did anyone ever tell you your hair is soft? Like, not any kind of soft, this is _super_ soft. Softer than Teddie's fur, I bet."

"Ugh, just shut up," I moan.

"Make me," he says, and there's a challenging edge to his voice that I just can't ignore.

"Alright," I say, rising to the bait.

Kanji doesn't get to finish his math homework, I make damn sure of that.

* * *

Lame ending is frikkin' lame.


End file.
